I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
