I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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