If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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