its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
