How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
