Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
