i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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