That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
