I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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