Plan B is the new Plan A
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
