I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
