So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
