My room smells like vodka and shame
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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