JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
