We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need to sanitize my soul.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
