it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
