Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
