I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
