I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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