I cannot find my penis.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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