i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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