i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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