you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
