Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
COCAINE IS GR8
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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