I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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