This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
