Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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