this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
