i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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