Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dicks are not precious.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
