And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
