im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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