I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
