Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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