I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
