My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
