Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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