...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
