hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
