I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
