whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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