why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
