We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
