With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
