I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
