I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
