Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
