I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
