just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
