She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
