I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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