If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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