My liver just broke up with me...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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