I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
