All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
