Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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