i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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