Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
