genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
