He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
