I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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