bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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