nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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