2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
