You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
