in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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