I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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