when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
