I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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